my to do list has about 123978158719571046789 things on it and I only have 168 hours a week... minus the 2 hours of sleep(I have no clue how I found time to write this post).... so recently I have been a little overwhelmed I really thought I was going to die young and I started saying my goodbyes.. I felt so torn apart, there's so much work to do for the church, and then there's school work to do, and then there's work, and then applying for scholarships and colleges.. and not to mention trying to keep up with my friends and the Bible... and on top of it all my mom wants me spending more time in the kitchen and I have to be working on stuff for Yana's wedding... I was trying to keep all things under control but it was slowly breaking apart. I thought I could handle everything on my own...
A couple days ago I was listening to 93.9 in the morning and a preacher was talking about trusting God, then I finally got it. I have not been trusting God! I keep stressing out and thinking that I am in control when I am not at all, I listened to another sermon about it by Jerry Bridges that was also helpful in setting my mind straight. But then I find myself stressing out again with all the worries of life and I lack faith in the promises of God again... I found myself mindlessly singing along to Jadon Lavik's Tis So Sweet while stressing out and then finally I realized what words were coming out of my mouth:
"Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
O for grace to trust Him more!"
I have no idea how I was able to sing that while stressing out but I see that it takes work to be always trusting in Jesus and it takes a deliberate conscious awareness of reality to keep my mindset correct.
Lord help me trust in you. Amen.